He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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