hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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