I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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