We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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