Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
