This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
