Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
