if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
