he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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