It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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