Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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