I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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