It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
You're like the curious george of whores
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
