We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
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