God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
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thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
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If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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