My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize