My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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