from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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