They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
