i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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