my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
