I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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