Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
