Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
