I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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