Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
He told me they were just razor bumps!
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
