1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
