i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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