Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
