When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
