i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
