It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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