if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
