I'm gonna have a badass scar
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize