Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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