I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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