Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
