so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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