she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
