I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize