Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
