there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize