The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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