Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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