Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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