Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I want to have your abortion
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Randomize
