sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
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My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
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