I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
