im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
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I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
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I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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