i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
