I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
