so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
This baby is an asshole
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
